Doktor Assisted Drabbles
by Doktor Girlfriend
Summary: 100 and 200-word tales of RED vs BLU, with a focus on Heavy and Medic. All classes not named in canon are OCs. Rating may increase with future entries.
1. By Any Other Name

Title: By Any Other Name  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Heavy/Medic (RED)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_. I lay claim to these particular names and incarnations of the classes.  
Notes: My foray into TF2 fanfiction and the introduction to my versions of the RED boys. For Deani. She knows why. 3

**By Any Other Name**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Vhat is doktor's name?"

The whisper reached the top bunk, making the Medic stiffen beneath thin, cotton cover.

"Vhy do you ask?"

"I vant to know." Medic could feel the big man shifting in the bed below him. "Vant to know name of man fights beside me. Vant name to call vhen ve are alone, vhen doktor is in my arms..."

_"Shhh." _Nervous eyes darted, landing in turn on seven other, occupied bunks sharing the barracks.

"Doktor does not have to say. ...But mine is Viktor."

The silence was long until a final whisper drifted down through the dark.

"Anselm..."


	2. Blitz

Title: Blitz  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Medic, Heavy (BLU)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: The barest implications of slash  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_. I lay claim to these particular names and incarnations of the classes.  
Notes: My second TF2 work and the introductions to my versions of the BLU boys (named Nikolaus and Grigori). I liked the idea of a Medic too young to even really remember the Nazi regime, so Nikki was only a toddler when the war ended.

**Blitz**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

He was too young to remember the war, his knowledge of such provided by school and the stories his brother told. Anything more he wouldn't know.

But sometimes when the desert thunder shook the air, he'd lie in bed and almost remember...

Berlin, huddled in the trembling basement, and he the smallest of children, clutched by his sobbing mother as outside the world ended.

Only the echo of a memory, more than enough to send him from his bed, seeking the only one he trusted to shelter him through the storm.

Beneath Heavy's protective arm, he waited to forget again.


	3. Right Behind You

Title: Right Behind You  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Heavy, Medic, Soldier, Spy (BLU)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: None that I can think of  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_, which is evidenced by how I do not sleep on a pile of money with many beautiful ladies and gentlemen.  
Notes: Set immediately following "Meet the Spy," utilizing my versions of the BLU boys. Nikki is still learning English and must rely on Grigori for translation most of the time.

**Right Behind You**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Medic was conspicuously absent when the rest of BLU respawned following their respective confrontations with RED Spy. Heavy set out immediately to find him, Soldier following for back-up in case the enemy spook still lingered. They found the young doctor not far from the Intelligence Room, cowering under a table with his Bonesaw held up defensively.

"What're you doing under there, little maggot?" Soldier demanded.

Medic sheepishly lowered his saw, muttering morosely in German.

"Son, you know I don't understand that gobbledygook."

"He says RED Spy break his arm and steal his face and knock him out, and vhen he vake up, he hide." Heavy offered his partner a reassuring smile. "Come out, leetle Doktor. Spy is long gone by now."

"With the Intelligence," Soldier grumbled. Driven by curiosity, the rest of the team arrived in time for one of his Shovel-brandishing rants.

"Ladies, our performance today was nothing short of pathetic, and I will not stand for it! We have five hours until dinner, and we are going to drill, drill, dr-!"

Shovel was suddenly yanked from Soldier's hand and brought down on his head, wielded by a positively livid Spy.

"_Zhat_ is for _blowing my head off_, imbecile!"


	4. Burnin' Up

Title: Burnin' Up  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Heavy/Medic (implied), Scout (BLU)  
Rating: PG-13 (one F-bomb)  
Warnings: Medic en flambe  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_. These boys are mine even if the classes aren't.  
Notes: Requested by The Magic Rat and written almost in time for International Day of Slash. Things to keep in mind: 1) Medics can self-heal in my 'verse as they do in-game; 2) Italics are used for emphasis and/or translation; 3) "Kolya" is the diminutive of "Nikolai," which is basically the Russian form of "Nikolaus"; and 4) Nikki's still not so good at the whole English thing. And, if you're interested, the Scout is named Sean, and the Engineer was named Sam until Valve Jossed me with Dell.

**Burnin' Up**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

BLU was celebrating a rare victory against RED with the traditional booze and bonfire (and the occasional singalong at Engie's insistence), but Grigori could not relax. Even outside of battle, he could not help fretting over Nikki. The young Medic didn't know his limits, and the Heavy quickly lost track of his own alcohol consumption while watching his friend become increasingly gooned and careless.

His worries were justified when a good-natured scuffle with the Scout sent Nikki toppling towards the fire, his arm flopping into the flames.

"Doktor!" Grigori cried, rushing forward to pull Nikki upright and help extinguish the flames. He tried to herd him to the infirmary, but the Medic resisted.

"Is okay!" Nikki giggled drunkenly, pulling up his singed sleeve to display the already healing burns. "Fix itself! Like alvays!"

Grigori's response was to crush the young doctor to his chest. _"Be more careful, Kolya. I love you too much to see you hurt!"_

A horrifying silence followed. Grigori could feel the others watching as Nikki stared at him in bemusement.

"...Vas?"

Grigori fled the scene as quickly as his class allowed. The Scout frowned deeply.

"What the fuck was _that_ about?"

Nikki shrugged. "Not speak Russian."


	5. Caught in the Rain

Title: Caught in the Rain and Other Romantic Tropes  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Heavy/Medic (implied) (BLU)  
Rating: PG (implied naughtiness)  
Warnings: Fluff, H/C  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_. But Grigori and Nikki are mine. You stay away.  
Notes: Written for The Magic Rat. Nikki's fear of thunder continues. Though it's possible after this he might develop quite a different reaction to storms.

**Caught in the Rain and Other Romantic Tropes**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The storm came sudden and violent, the thunder almost drowning out the voice of the Announcer signaling the battle's cancellation, but nowhere near as loud as Nikki's frightened whimpers in Grigori's ear.

"Shh, leetle Doktor. Is all right," Grigori soothed his friend, quickly looking for shelter. The storm had caught them in enemy territory, but he doubted his chances of getting the panicking Medic back to their own base.

"Come along now, Doktor," he urged, herding Nikki toward one of RED's numerous barns. "Ve get out of rain." Inside, he settled them on the hay in a far corner, allowing the Medic to climb into his lap and cling like a vine.

"Is only thunder, Kolya. It vill not hurt you."

"Makes me remember..." Nikki muttered, his face hidden against the Heavy's shoulder.

Grigori smiled gently, stroking his hand down the young doctor's back. "I vill help you forget."

Nikki pulled back just enough to look at his Heavy, nose brushing his cheek. "How?"

Grigori noticed his hand had settled on Nikki's hip. He hadn't meant it this way, but Nikki was close, his eyes were dark, and the storm, he guessed, would be long.

"Maybe... ve try few things..."


	6. We Go Together

Title We Go Together  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Heavy/Medic (implied) (BLU)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: FLUFF. Are you sensing a pattern yet?  
Disclaimer: I do not own Team Fortress 2. But this pair and all their warm fuzzies belong to me.  
Notes: For Deani, the Heavy to my Medic, and based off an RP. Because Heavies and Medics deserve a happy ending for once. Also, "Grisha" is the diminutive form of "Grigori," and, yes, I like to spell it "Teufort." What's good enough for Radigan is good enough for me.

**We Go Together**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Vhere you go, Heafy, vhen var is over?"

Grigori gazed thoughtfully across the desert from the battlements of Teufort.

"Not back to Russia," he told the Medic beside him. "I think I travel. See vorld. Maybe settle in vest coast of this country. Near the ocean." He nodded to himself, smiling. "Vhere vill you go, leetle Doktor?"

"...Vis you."

"...Vhat?"

Nikki stared at the Heavy with large, earnest eyes. "Vill go vis you, Grisha. Anyvhere you go."

Grigori held his gaze silently a moment before smiling once more, sliding an arm around Nikki.

"Da. Ve go together, Doktor. Like alvays."


	7. Foreign Concepts

Title: Foreign Concepts  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Heavy/Medic, Engie/Spy (BLU)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Slash, misleading assertions regarding European customs.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_. Nikki and Grigori are mine, and Philippe belongs just as much to Deani as to me. Much of his characterization is to her credit.  
Notes: Inspired initially from reading about an adorable tradition in North Rhine Westphalia which involves, among other things, kissing someone on the cheek, which the person telling the tale cited as a fairly common greeting in Germany. Researching further, I found it more complicated than that. Everyone from real German citizens, travelers, and friends with German relatives had something different to say on the matter, ranging from "Only family and maybe close friends hug and kiss, and only in private; anyone doing otherwise has hung out in Denmark/Italy/France too much" to "Oh, sure it's common, but not as much as in other areas of Europe" to "Good luck getting out of Germany without getting snogged". I'm forced to assume it's a regional thing. Most people seem to agree that your chances of getting glomped and smooched increase the farther south (and thus closer to Bavaria) you get, and that when kissing does occur, it's normally once on each cheek. Also, I learned that trying to get extra or more intimate kisses from someone not used to local customs is totally something you do in France. And so then... this happened. ...Enjoy!

**Foreign Concepts**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Good morning, leetle Doktor!"

"Heafy!" Nikki quickly approached the breakfast table where Grigori sat, wrapped his arms around his neck, and pressed two quick kisses to his right cheek and two to his left.

"Vhat is dis for?" Grigori questioned, carefully pulling back.

"Ve ah gut friends now, ja?" Nikki smiled. "Vhere I from, greet gut friends zhis vay. Is... vhat is vord... custom!"

"Oh, da!" Grigori nodded. Similar greetings existed in his own Russia, though perhaps none as enthusiastic. He returned the gesture, kissing both cheeks of the giggling Medic before taking his plate for seconds.

"Funny..." Philippe drawled softly from behind Nikki. "I zought zat more a Southern German custom. You are from Berlin, non?"

Receiving no response, he continued. "And even zen, zey kiss only once."

Nikki's eyes darted nervously. "Is... not of your business."

Philippe smirked. "Do not worry, petit. I will keep your confidence. Merely extend ze same courtesy."

With that, the Spy reached out, smoothly captured the newly arrived Engineer, and bent him backwards. "Bonjour, laborer," he purred, kissing him full on the mouth before just as smoothly moving on.

Dell could only shake his head.

"Don't think I'll ever get used t' that."


	8. Danke, Herr Doktor

Title: Danke, Herr Doktor  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Soldier, Medic, Heavy (RED), Medic (BLU)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: If you're offended by this, you have issues. There, I said it.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. Anselm, Viktor, John Buck, and Nikki are mine.  
Notes: The first non-combative meeting of RED and BLU (but not the last!). JB subscribes to the Jack Bauer School of Interrogation. That _is_ Viktor's indoor voice. Many thanks to my own Heavy Deani for her help and feedback.

**Danke, Herr Doktor**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Herr Soldier! Schtop zhis!"

"Do not interfere with my interrogation of the enemy, maggot!" the RED Soldier shouted, his Shovel raised and ready to strike the cowering BLU Medic before him. "This BLU Team princess WILL tell me everything he knows!"

Nikki curled like a hedgehog on the ground, babbling frantically and fearfully in German as the RED Medic and Heavy approached, the Heavy plucking the Shovel from his teammate's fist.

"Zhe battle is ovah, Herr Soldier. Such actions ah against regulations," Anselm scolded. "Besides, zhe boy obviously cannot undahstand a vord you ah saying."

"Doktor is right. Ve already vin, so no to reason keep fighting." Viktor flicked the Shovel away like a toothpick, grinning down at Nikki. "Look! Is tiny, baby doktor! HELLO, TINY DOKTOR!"

"You ah frightening him, Heavy," Anselm gently informed as Nikki shrank shivering from the booming voice. _"Pick yourself up,"_ he told the boy in German. _"You may leave."_

"This is treason! I will see you ladies court-martialed for this!" JB barked impotently as he sprinted after Shovel.

From the BLU base, a voice bellowed, "DOKTOR!" and Anselm did not miss the way Nikki strained longingly toward it.

_"Go on. Your Heavy is calling."_


	9. Down the Rabbit Hole

Title: Down the Rabbit Hole  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: RED Team, BLU Medic  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Crack. No, seriously. This is ridonk.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_, the associated classes, or Tavish Degroot. I own Viktor, Anselm, JB, and Nikki.  
Notes: An alternate ending to "Danke, Herr Doktor." Inspired by comments made by Sniper at Dawn, who also provided some of the lines, after I commented that Viktor didn't know Nikki from a bunny rabbit. Title provided by Deani.

**Down the Rabbit Hole**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"This is treason!" JB shoved out of his seat with a shout. "Stop feeding it from the table!"

The majority of the RED Team ignored him in favor of huddling around their impromptu dinner guest, offering bits of food and gentle prodding like a new pet.

"Eat up, Tiny Doktor!" Viktor enthused, extending a spoonful of stew to the BLU Medic, who, though thoroughly perplexed, far preferred this attention to being murdered and obligingly ate from the spoon.

Viktor melted. "So cute..."

"_Ahem. _Perhaps it is time to return him to his _own_ Heavy?" Anselm suggested, glaring at Nikki with purest annoyance, for once in agreement with the Soldier and his indignant flailing.

"Men, this is outrageous! That is the enemy you're feed- PYRO, FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PATRIOTIC, DO NOT FEED HIM THOSE COOKIES! THAT IS AN ORDER!"

"Brrt hrr nrrds trr errt," Pyro insisted. "Hrrs srr skrrnry."

"Och, 'e's no bigger than a minute," Tavish cooed. "Ye want a bit 'o scrumpy, lad?"

"I AM SURROUNDED BY TRAITOROUS LADIES!" JB concluded, fists pounding the table. Upon meeting Anselm's sympathetic gaze, he seized Shovel and marched outside to dig trenches until the world made sense once more.


	10. Cheers

Title: Cheers  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Sniper, Scout, Medic, Pyro (BLU)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: My usual brand of ridonkulousness.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I own the characters I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: Written for The Magic Rat. I don't know what they were attempting to make, but Pyro likes it.

**Cheers**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Jerry stood in the threshold of the kitchen, empty coffee mug in hand, leisurely surveying the scene he'd walked in on.

A sticky, syrupy substance covered much of the room, including the three youngest members of BLU: Sean's hand was glued to his headpiece and headpiece to his ear; Nikki furiously cleaned the stove with one glove, the other stuck to his hair; between them sat Pyro, licking and gnawing herself clean.

Jerry carefully traversed it all, in and out, feeling their hopeful eyes on him. Back at the door he paused, lifting his refilled mug with a smile.

"Cheers."


	11. Stuck on Band Aid Brand

Title: Stuck on Band-Aid Brand  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Sniper, Medic (BLU)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Frogs  
Disclaimer: I do now own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. Jerry and Nikki are mine.  
Notes: Written for Sniper at Dawn. You have a problem with frogs? You have a problem with Nikki.

**Stuck on Band-Aid Brand**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Jerry hissed as Nikki cleaned the wound on his arm with hydrogen peroxide. "Can't you just go and grab your Medigun?"

"Is only little scratch," the Medic scoffed, beginning to rummage through his medpack again. "I not lug heafy gun und backpack up tower for little scratch. Besides, is refueling. Aha!"

Triumphantly, Nikki produced a box of band-aids, carefully selecting and peeling the wrapper from one and placing it over the cut. "Zhere! You be fine."

The Sniper looked at the band-aid, adorned with its smiling, green frogs, and raised an eyebrow at Nikki.

Nikki blinked innocently. "...Was?"

"...Thanks, mate."


	12. Freud Ruins Everything

Title: Freud Ruins Everything  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Medic, Heavy, Soldier (BLU); Medic (RED)  
Rating: PG (stabbing and Freudian references)  
Warnings: See above  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_, the associated classes, or Jane Doe. Nikki, Grigori, and Anselm belong to me.  
Notes: Written for Deani, who thought it would be a fun idea. I only just learned about the Vita-Saw and all its incredibly phallic wonders. My headcanon decrees that each weapon is originally designed and/or built by one person on either team and then bought and mass-produced by Mann Co. and distributed to all members of the appropriate classes. Anselm has designed/built all the Medic weapons to date, but Nikki created something important as well...

**Freud Ruins Everything**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Look at zhis zhing!" Nikki exclaimed, gesturing to his brand new Vita-Saw. "Vhy Anselm insist on making such frightening veapons?"

Grigori smiled indulgently, peering out of their hiding place. "Ve all need hobbies, Doktor..."

"But look! Needle is long as mein arm! Vhy zhat is necessary?"

He was silenced by a nearby scream as the RED Medic himself skewered JD's spinal chord with his own upgraded saw.

"WHY YOU JACKBOOTED SONUVA-_AAAUUUUGGGAAAAAUUUUGGHHHH!"_

"That is vhy," Grigori observed, spinning up Natascha. "Is good veapon. Come, ve kill him."

"Fine," Nikki huffed, switching to his Ubercannon. "I still say is compensating for somezhing..."


	13. Freud's Got a Point

Title: Freud's Got a Point  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: BLU Medic, RED Medic (implied RED Heavy/Medic)  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Phallic discussion  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2 _or the associated classes. Nikki and Anselm are mine.  
Notes: Written for me! Follow-up to "Freud Ruins Everything." Some lines provided by Deani. The italics mean they're speaking in German. Nikki is everyone's little brother, and is therefore not allowed to win arguments. Ever.

**Freud's Got a Point**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

_"I almost put my eye out on this ridiculous thing!"_ Nikki complained of his Vita-Saw, barely acknowledged by Anselm.

_"Then do not use it. It is a weapon for adults, not children."_

Nikki sneered. _"You create something that might as well vibrate and I'm the immature one?"_

_"You _are_ the one who saw the resemblance..."_

Nikki faltered. Anselm pressed his advantage. _"We are not all phallus-obsessed virgins. You should not project so much."_

_"It... ...I do not like you!" _Nikki sputtered futilely, storming out in a huff. Anselm smirked.

Never mind he'd designed the Vita-Saw while Viktor was on leave.


	14. My Funny Valentine

Title: My Funny Valentine  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Heavy/Medic (BLU)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Extreme fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I just own the characters I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: For Deani, my Heavy. Partially based on an RP. Happy Valentine's Day.

**My Funny Valentine**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The valentine left on Grigori's desk was made from red construction paper, painstakingly cut into the shape of a heart and decorated with a near-perfect border of dry macaroni and glitter. A second heart, this one pink, was carefully placed within, bearing a picture drawn in blue crayon: a smiling Medic and Heavy holding hands above a question mark.

Grigori supposed this was meant to be a visual representation of "Will you be my valentine?" A second paper-and-macaroni missive, hastily crumpled into the nearby wastebasket and bearing that exact message in greatly misspelled English, confirmed these suspicions. He had already rescued it from the trash and smoothed it lovingly alongside the other, smiling and fondly tracing the crayon likeness of his dearest friend and brother in arms with one large finger. Pulling the present he had made for Nikolaus from the desk drawer, he reflected on his earlier worries that the young doctor might not even understand the significance of the holiday, let alone be willing to celebrate it with him.

These fears assuaged, Grigori arrived at Nikolaus' door, grinning at the blush that blossomed on the Medic's face as he held up the imploring messages.

"Da, Doktor. I vill."


	15. Where the Heart Is

Title: Where the Heart Is  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Heavy/Medic (BLU), assorted German children  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I just own the characters I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: Extremely belated Christmas gift for Deani. Based on an RP.

**Where the Heart Is**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

_"What is it?"_

_"It's a giant!"_

_"Can I climb him? I want to be tall!"_

Grigori stood stock-still in the doorway, not resisting in the slightest as a swarm of tiny German children attempted to scale him all at once. The biggest had nearly reached his shoulder when Nikki began swatting them away.

_"Off, off! He is a guest, not a jungle gym! Run and get your mothers and tell them to teach you manners!"_

"Mutti, Mutti!" Nikki's nieces and nephews shrieked and giggled as they dropped to the ground and scampered deeper into the house. _"Uncle Nikki brought a giant home, and he will not share! Tell him he needs manners!"_

Nikki stopped himself just short of retorting, turning to his friend apologetically. "I am sorry. Zhey haff nevah seen anyvone as... big as you."

"Is not problem, Doktor." Grigori smiled warmly. "I like children. Am glad you invite me to spend holidays vit you."

Nikki glanced away, heart fluttering, wanting to say so much: _"I couldn't enjoy them without you. You're family to me. I love you, oh, Grigori, I love you..."_

"...I am glad you ah here." He took Grigori's arm, tugging gently. "Come. Meet my family."


	16. Everybody Vants You

Title: Everybody Vants You  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Heavy/Medic (BLU)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I just own the characters I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: Inspired by bits of RP and discussions. Grigori can't help it if he's candy to the general populace, but Nikki's the jealous type. Expect "Natascha as homewrecker" to crop up a lot. Thanks to Deani for the title.

**Everybody Vants You**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Doktor is being silly."

"I am not! Every time ve go anyvhere, some voman flirts vis you."

Grigori turned away from his workbench, giving the Medic a patient smile. "Name vone."

Nikki crossed his arms defiantly, trying to draw himself up to his full, if less than impressive height. "Mein sistah."

The Heavy chuckled. "She vas just teasing you."

"Ebelina, mein freund from medical school."

Grigori waved his hand dismissively. "Vas silly girl," he scoffed.

"Zhe vaitress at zhat restaurant."

"She vas trying to get big tip."

Nikki raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh..."

Grigori laughed jovially, rising from his chair to place his hands on Nikki's shoulders. "You are naughty doktor! And very cute vhen jealous." He gently bumped their foreheads together. "Did I flirt back to any of them?"

Nikki glanced away with a pout. "Nein, but..."

Grigori silenced him with a lingering kiss, drawing him close and pulling back only enough to speak. "Because Doktor is vone I love. Do not vorry. Besides," he grinned, patting Nikki's cheek, "only voman in my life is Natascha!"

Nikki scowled as Grigori turned back to work on his beloved gun, grumbling under his breath, "Do not get me schtarted on zhat homewreckah..."


	17. Schtupid Gun

Title: Schtupid Gun  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Heavy/Medic (BLU) (implied)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Obligatory Heavy/Minigun jokes  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I just own the characters I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: Somewhat related to "Everybody Vants You." This is the root of Nikki's intense dislike and jealousy of Natascha.

**Schtupid Gun**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"You did well!" Grigori shouted over the explosive chaos of the battlefield as he and Nikki ducked into a darkened alley to heal and catch their breath.

"I... I did?" Nikki wondered hopefully, eyes nervously glued to the slowly filling UberCharge meter. Oh, he hoped Grigori really thought so and wasn't just trying to reassure him. He knew he wasn't exactly cut out for combat, but he tried his best for his teammates.

"We make good team!"

"You zhink so...?" Nikki kept his face turned downward so Grigori would not see him blush. That was really all he cared about. He didn't understand the war at all, and since they had Respawn and the Medigun, wasn't too concerned if they won or lost each battle. All he wanted was to be the best possible Medic for his beloved Heavy.

"Kiss me."

Nikki's heart leapt, his now trembling hands nearly dropping his Medigun as he raised his hopeful eyes...

And saw Grigori cuddling his minigun.

"I... Was...?" he began, but Grigori, now fully healed and rested, charged back into the fray with his beloved Natascha, and Nikki could only grind his teeth as he dutifully followed.

"I _hate_ zhat schtupid gun."


	18. Rocket Popped

Title: Rocket Popped  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: BLU Soldier, RED Sniper  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Phallic references, the death of an innocent dessert  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_, the associated classes, or Jane Doe. The Sniper James does belong to me.  
Notes: A cheer-up drabble for The Magic Rat. Those popsicles are called Rocket Pops (and the big ones are Bomb Pops). They are delicious and JD would love them. Credit for the title goes to Deani.

**Rocket Popped**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

JD's eyes darted left and right. Then up, down, diagonally, and inside the trash can for good measure. Satisfied that he was alone and unseen, he unwrapped the item he had squirreled outside, away from the prying eyes of his teammates.

Holding it aloft, he took a moment to admire the frozen treat and its vibrant red, white, and blue. The most patriotic of popsicles. A culinary masterpiece. It was an unutterable shame that he was forced to hide them and enjoy them in secret, as surely such a creation should be shared with the world, but it was the only way to ensure they were never discovered by the Medic. The young doctor had an insatiable sweet tooth, not to mention a somewhat disturbing preference for phallic desserts.

JD was still admiring the tricolored treasure, watching the sunlight reflect triumphantly from its shining surface, when it disintegrated with a sudden bang, splattering across the Soldier's face.

Across the river, secure within his cozy nest on the RED base, James watched the BLU Soldier lose his mind through the scope of his rifle and chuckled.

Even during a ceasefire, it didn't hurt to keep those BLU bastards on their toes.


	19. Sniping Tom

Title: Sniping Tom  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: RED Sniper, BLU Medic, BLU Scout  
Rating: PG  
Contents/Warnings: Voyeurism, implied slash  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I just own the characters I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: Sniping seems like a job that's prone to result in at least casual voyeurism. I'm sure James has convinced himself that peeping on shirtless Scout somehow provides crucial knowledge for the battlefield. Thanks go to Deani for the title.

**Sniping Tom**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The BLU team was weird.

That wasn't just the Sniper's RED bias showing. It was a conclusion based on several weeks of observation.

Even now, watching through his scope, he could see the BLU Medic creeping slowly over the ground near the moat on his hands and knees, as he did every other day, occasionally going still before pouncing like a cat. It had taken the Sniper a whole afternoon to realize the doctor was catching grasshoppers and tucking them into a little jar with holes punched in the lid.

If that wasn't odd enough, there was also the BLU Scout, who could be observed just as regularly through his bedroom window, posing shirtless in front of his mirror. It was this sight the Sniper turned to after the Medic had scampered indoors with his jar, grinning lecherously as he watched the young man flex his arms. Sniping was a very good job, indeed.

His reverie was interrupted when the Scout suddenly turned to face the window, staring right back down his scope. The enemy BLU grinned broadly, striking a few more choice poses before extending his middle finger and yanking the curtains closed.

Yes. The BLU team was weird.


	20. It's Called an Aviary

Title: It's Called an Aviary  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: Solider, Medic (BLU)  
Rating: PG-13  
Contents/Warnings: Some language. Doves.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_, the associated classes, or Jane Doe. The Medic Nikki does belong to me.  
Notes: I decided that Nikki would adore the doves and consider them his friends. So when his teammates use them for target practice, he does what any concerned doctor would do and enables them to Respawn. Title is once more courtesy of Deani.

**It's Called an Aviary**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Where are you going, little maggot?"

Nikki grinned broadly at the Soldier, clutching a bag of seed. "I feed zhe birds!" he announced, speaking of the doves that had taken up residence at Teufort in the recent weeks.

"Oh..." JD looked briefly concerned. "There won't be many left. Sniper's been picking them off all afternoon."

"Oh, I know."

"Yeah? And you're not all pissy and upset?"

"Nein. I fix it!" Still grinning, the Medic skipped off to tend to his birds, leaving the Soldier shaking his head.

"That is one deluded little fruit," JD muttered fondly before continuing on to check that all Resupply lockers on base were fully stocked for the next day's battle. He bent to open the door of the nearest Respawn area, and no sooner was it cracked when a flock of panicking doves burst out, bowling the Soldier over in their desperate bid for freedom.

After the exodus had passed, JD slowly stood up, brushing white excrement from his uniform and gritting his teeth.

_"MEDIC!" _he thundered, barreling down the hall. "The Respawn area is not a zoo, nor is it a farm! Get your prancy ass back here, little maggot, and clean this mess!"


	21. Doktor Do Little

Title: Doktor Do Little  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: Medic, Scout (BLU)  
Rating: PG  
Contents/Warnings: Mild language, exploding doves  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I just own the characters I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: Nikki discovers the unfortunate side effect of enabling his birds to Respawn, and Sean gets more than one line of dialogue.

**Doktor Do Little**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"So on a scale o' one to ten, I'd say we sucked a strong... twenty in that battle," the Scout decided as they trudged the walk of shame back to their base. He reached over to swat mostly playfully at the Medic's head. "Thanks for all the heals ya never gave me."

"Bitteschön," Nikki muttered distractedly, drifting away from the rest of the team.

"Hey! You even listenin' to me?" Sean followed after Nikki, who was now crouched on the ground near one of the doves he had adopted. The tiny bird was holding its wing at an odd angle and quickly hobbled over to the Medic, cooing plaintively.

"Ohh, poor birdie," he cooed in return. "Did you get hurt in zhe fighting? Ist okay now. Doktor is here."

"Aw, what the hell? No time to heal me, but you'll heal a rat with wings? I see how it is."

Nikki continued to ignore the Scout, smiling reassuringly as he trained the blue beam of his Medigun on the trusting bird.

It promptly exploded, splattering teeny tiny gibs all over the horrified Medic's face.

"Yeah..." Sean broke the moment's silence. "G'head and never point that thing at me again. Ever."


	22. One Flew over the Sentry Nest

Title: One Flew over the Sentry Nest  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: Engineer, Medic (BLU)  
Rating: G  
Contents/Warnings: Archimedes  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_, the associated classes, Dell Conagher, or Archimedes. Nikki the Medic does belong to me.  
Notes: The formal introduction of Archimedes into my 'verse. He's too awesome to leave out even if he has to be the BLU Medic's pet rather than RED Medic's. And since Nikki's not the type to leave chest cavities lying open, Archimedes just gets stuck in anything he can. Also, here's Dell getting more than one speaking line. He's surprisingly chill about people and birds poking around his workshop so long as he's present.

**One Flew over the Sentry Nest**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Zhere you ah!"

Dell looked up from his blueprints, offering a friendly smile to the Medic in the doorway. "Been here all day. What can I do ya for, Doc?"

Nikki stepped further into the Engineer's workshop, shaking his head. "Nein, not you. Him."

Dell followed the Medic's gaze to a broken dispenser, one of several machines awaiting repair. A small dove was perched atop it, trying to poke its head into the workings. The Engineer's grin widened.

"Oh, him. Yeah, he's been keepin' me comp'ny for awhile. Seems real curious about the machines."

"He gets into everyzhing," Nikki scolded, clucking his tongue and extending his hand, smiling as the dove flew over to perch on it. "But ist mein favorite. I hope he did not bozzah you."

"Naw, not at all. He's a cute li'l feller. What's his name?"

"Does not haff vone."

"Well, that ain' right. Yer favorite oughta have a name. Now le'see... How 'bout Archimedes? S'good name for a smart li'l guy."

"Ahr-kah-mee-dees..." Nikki carefully pronounced, smiling at the dove. "Do you like?"

The bird cocked his head, cooing softly, then spread his wings and flew straight into the barrel of a nearby sentry.

"Archimedes, no!"


	23. Memoirs of a Medic

Title: Memoirs of a Medic  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: Heavy/Medic (BLU)  
Rating: PG  
Contents/Warnings: Geisha Medic, crossdressing, mild slash  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I only own the characters I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: For Cindy, who long ago requested more Geisha Medic. I hope this will suffice. And I suppose this is as plausible a way as any for Nikki to discover he enjoys wearing ladies' clothes.

**Memoirs of a Medic**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Grigori?" Nikki inquired, his head poked through the door separating Grigori's room from their shared bathroom. "I can... show you somezhing?"

"Of course, Doktor." Grigori grinned when he saw that the Medic was wearing the wig that had arrived in their most recent shipment of items and weapons. "Have already see cute leetle vig."

"Ja, but... ist more." The young doctor shyly entered the room, wearing a bright blue kimono patterned with dozens of white cranes taking flight.

The Heavy's eyes grew wide. "Doktor..."

"P-Pyro giff to me," Nikki stuttered nervously, blushing. "To go vis vig. She says ist like robe, but I zhink ist like dress." He did an experimental twirl, studying himself in Grigori's mirror and smiling. "Ah ha! I am sort of pretty."

"You are... very pretty, Kolya."

The Medic sagged in relief. "You zhink so?"

"Da..." Grigori approached Nikki from behind, laying his hands heavily on his shoulders. "Very beautiful. ...Do you have to return this to Pyro?"

"Nein. She say I can keep."

"Is good." Grigori suddenly scooped his little doctor into his arms, carrying him bridal style to his bed and grinning with promise. "Do not think she vould vant it back after this."


	24. Kindergarten

Title: Kindergarten  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: Heavy/Medic (RED), Heavy/Medic (BLU)  
Rating: G  
Contents/Warnings: Fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_ or the associated classes. I just own the character I've stuck in their uniforms.  
Notes: "Anything Heavy/Medic" was requested by Meda. I delivered.

**Kindergarten**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Look at zhat disgusting display."

"Vhat display, Doktor?" Viktor asked indulgently.

"Zhem! Ovah zhere!" Anselm gestured violently across the moat to the enemy base, where the BLU Heavy and Medic strolled across the grounds, the latter perched atop the former's shoulders. Both of them were grinning, laughing loud and strong, as if the idea that just the day before they had killed and been killed repeatedly on the very ground they now strode over never entered their minds. Viktor smiled at the scene, his happiness for his elder brother not dampened by his own Medic's griping.

"Zhat boy cannot act his age to save his life! Fresh from vone of zhe finest medical schools in Berlin and schtill behaving like a child. And your brozzah indulges him! A man of his education should know bettah. If eizzah of zhem had any dignity at all, zhey- Ah!" His diatribe was cut off as he was grabbed quite unceremoniously around the waist and lifted onto Viktor's massive shoulders. "Vhat ah you doing?"

"Doktor is silly," the Heavy said fondly. "Should just say vhat he vants."

Anselm glowered and turned his face resolutely away. "Dummkopf," he grumbled, but made no move to dismount.


	25. Sparks

Title: Sparks  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: Engineer/Spy (BLU) (implied)  
Rating: PG  
Contents/Warnings: Innocent infant sentries are sapped.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team Fortress 2_, the associated classes, or Dell Conagher. Philippe the Spy is mine.  
Notes: A birthday gift for Deani, who taught me to love Engie/Spy and helped make Philippe the lovable bastard he is.

**Sparks**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

It really was too easy sometimes.

The Engineer was not only unaware of the Spy's presence, but completely oblivious to everything around him, including the defenseless Level 1 sentry behind him. Admittedly, that was probably due to the fact that they were all in the Engineer's workshop during ceasefire, but Philippe didn't see any reason that should prevent him from having a little fun.

He crept closer, eyes never leaving the Engineer, who remained focused on his work even as Philippe uncloaked and quietly placed the Electro Sapper. Philippe grinned broadly, stepping back as sparks began to fly and the other man was finally startled into action.

"What the-? Oh, dagnabit!" Dell scrambled for his wrench, glaring daggers at Philippe. "Now cut that out, Spy! We're on the same team!"

"All ze more reason, mon ami," Philippe purred. "You let your guard down too easily. Someone 'as to 'elp you 'one your skills."

"Then c'mere an' let me thank ya!" Dell made a grab for the Spy, who laughed as he cloaked and darted away, unabashedly pleased with himself.

Seeing the incessantly quiet and restrained Texan demonstrate a little passion was more than worth risking a wrench to the head.


	26. Remembered with Affection

Title: Remembered with Affection  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: Medics (BLU)  
Rating: PG  
Contents/Warnings: Uber fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team__Fortress__2_ or the associated classes. Nikki belongs to me, and Luci belongs to Elijah.  
Notes: Birthday gift for Elijah. He drew an adorable picture of Nikki and Luci being pals, and I wanted to figure out what exactly they were talking about. And then I learned that they have almost the exact same motivation for becoming doctors, so this happened. I'm guessing Luci is temporarily transferred to Nikki's base to help out, which gives them the opportunity to be fucking adorable together. I may have contracted diabetes during the process of writing this.

**Remembered with Affection**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"I must zhank you again for vhat a tremendous help you've been zhese last few days, Luci," Nikki said with a smile. "I don't know vhat I vould haff done visout you."

The other young Medic beamed shyly in return. "Oh... it vas my pleasure. You and your team haff all been so nice to me."

"Zhey are also grateful. I usually stay vis my Heafy in battle, so zhey appreciate haffing anozzah Medic to heal zhem."

"I am happy to help," Luci assured him, hugging a stack of medical reports to her chest. "Healing ist my passion. Ever since my fazzah..."

Nikki's smile faded. "...He died?"

"...He vas killed." Luci still smiled but sadly now. "Vhen I vas little."

"...My Vater vas killed vhen I vas small, too. I barely remember him."

"Und zhat ist vhy you became a healer," Luci offered, more a statement than a question. "So no vone else vould evah haff to go zhrough... vhat ve did."

The two Medics shared a knowing look, their bright smiles returning as Luci reached out to grasp Nikki's hand.

"How many fazzahs vill ve save betveen us?"

Nikki squeezed her hand in return. "As many as ve can."


	27. A Long Way from France

Title: A Long Way from France  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairings/Cast: Engineer/Spy (BLU) (implied)  
Rating: G  
Contents/Warnings: Hats; implied slash  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Team__Fortress__2_, the associated classes, or Dell Conagher. Philippe the Spy belongs to me.  
Notes: Birthday gift for Cindy. She likes Engie/Spy, and I like excuses to write Engie/Spy. Philippe has a special fondness for Dell's Ten Gallon, and Dell gets a bit of a confidence boost when he wears it.

**A Long Way from France**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The idea that he might have actually snuck up on the Spy was so laughable that Dell didn't even consider it as he paused just outside his own room. Nobody just snuck up on Philippe; if you caught him at something, it was because he wanted you to. So even though Philippe was standing in front of Dell's mirror and wearing his Texas Ten Gallon with a convincingly preoccupied and almost wistful expression, the Engineer wasn't fooled for a second.

After a moment passed and Philippe hadn't said a word or spared him a glance, Dell figured he was supposed to make the first move. Not above playing along with the Spy, he leaned against the door frame and drawled, "I don' think white's really your color."

Dell had come to expect almost anything from the Spy, but not the startled, almost guilty expression he now gave him. The slow realization that he'd caught Philippe off guard made the Engineer grin and approach the other man, grabbing the hat from his head and tugging it onto his own.

"Now this looks much better on me, doncha think?"

His grin only widened when the balaclava couldn't quite hide Philippe's blush.

"Oui..."


End file.
